Green Eyes

The Grey Man

2009-07-27T16:33:00.005-04:00

⁄ ⁄ ⁄ ⁄ ⁄ ⁄ ⁄ ⁄ ⁄ ⁄ ⁄ ⁄ ⁄

»It's brittle and it trembles as the wind is coming toward, and if you string it up it dries right out with time.
So raise your glass to that new dollar in the bank we're reaching for.
But the drink was sweeter before we had a dime.

But you're far away now and you've got troubles all your own just to spend your whole life shooting down.

»What do I know?

If you feel restless where you are, it may be easier to stay.
There area million other fools to make your bed.
And they'll be closing all the shades to keep you right there in that grave.
And I'll be knocking 'cause you never left my head.

But you're far away now and you've got troubles all your own just to spend your whole life counting down.

[What do I know?]

I have been listening to almost nothing but Copeland since before seeing them live last week. Pictures from the concert are here: http://www.facebook.com/675486138 I took these with my sisters Canon Rebel Xsi, and did the editing in Adobe Photoshop, much like the above image, which is, in addition to my sisters photography, just me going crazy with all these sweet brushes I found through this site

Enjoy.

[s.]

Celebrating two decades of life, love and the pursuit of eternity.

2009-07-19T09:34:00.011-04:00

Twenty Years.

“I would rather be ashes than dust! I would rather that my spark should burn out in a brilliant blaze than it should be stifled by dry-rot. I would rather be a superb meteor, every atom of me in magnificent glow, than a sleepy and permanent planet. The function of man is to live, not to exist. I shall not waste my days trying to prolong them. I shall use my time.”
-- Jack London

{I borrowed this quote from Cimera's blog post: ashes. }

I feel like doing a "twenty things" post would be appropriate, but I don't have lots of time. If you comment, post a memory from our friendship. It would be good to remember some things. I am getting old now. Then I will post a "twenty things" post.

Thank you for the well wishes and cheer my dear, dear friends. Facebook is a wonderful thing eh?

[.s]

Charles Spurgeon, Jesus and Me (the flag meets the upside down gospel)

2009-05-06T14:12:00.011-04:00

This scares me to post. I do so with fear and risk that it will be misunderstood, and cause offense to many people.
But if this offends you, then think about why. If it challenges you, praise God! You have lost nothing by being stretched.
When I saw this design it offended me. In turn, when I got over the the grating, I was left stunned. I don't believe Jesus would design this. However our great symbol of American pride might not mean that much to him either. Probably because Jesus didn't and doesn't see the world like we do. He sees people from the inside of their hearts to the outer shell of their allegiances and skin colour.
You see, we have it all backwards.
Or, rather we have it upside-down.

In the days of Jesus we know that it was laid to the charge of our blessed and divine Master, that he was a stirrer of sedition, whereas he himself had refused to be a king, when his followers would have taken him by force to make him one, for he said, "My kingdom is not of this world;" yet was he crucified under the two false charges of sedition and blasphemy. The same thing occurred with the Apostles. Wherever they went to preach the gospel, the Jews who opposed them sought to stir up the refuse of the city to put an end to their ministry; and then, when a great tumult had been made by the Jews themselves, who had taken unto them certain lewd fellows of the baser sort, and gathered a company, and set all the city in an uproar, and assaulted the house of Jason, and sought to bring him out to the people, then the Jews laid the tumult and the uproar at the door of the Apostles, saying, "These that have turned the world upside down are come hither also."
- Charles H. Spurgeon from sermon No. 193

So if Jesus were to make his presence known here in 2009 would our world be turned upside down once again?
Look closely at the words on the Flag.
John 18:36
Matthew 6:24
Matthew 5:5
Luke 6:24
Matthew 5:3
Luke 6:25

To put it mildly, we don't seem to get these verses, when we call for war on our enemies, when we live a life for our own gain, accumulating wealth like it is ours, ignoring the poor, and looking with disdain on others because they cannot maintain a lifestyle like our own. These words point directly at me too, I am in full fear of my own situation as I meditate on these issues, and as I meditate I feel a mental gravity shift.
Don't mistake me, I appreciate the foundation of this country I call home, and the safety it provides, and the opportunity to live a prosperous life on earth. Being an American is certainly a privilege! Even these days with our economic downturn, we are the most prosperous and optimistic nation on earth. But how do we wiegh our allegiances to things of this world? John McCain's campaign motto from the relatively recent election was "Country First". I voted for him, but I think Jesus would have abstained given this obvious contradiction to the God-follower. Nations are not eternal, God is, and since we can know him through Jesus Christ:
God first.

Andrew Johnson, President after Abraham Lincoln's assassination said, “Let us look forward to the time when we can take the flag of our country and nail it below the Cross, and there let it wave as it waved in the olden times, and let us gather around it and inscribed for our motto: ‘Liberty and Union, one and inseparable, now and forever,’ and exclaim, ‘Christ first, our country next!’ ”

Thomas Jefferson warns us from history of our shaky stance before God: “God who gave us life gave us liberty. Can the liberties of a nation be secure when we have removed a conviction that these liberties are the gift of God? Indeed I tremble for my country when I reflect that God is just, that His justice cannot sleep forever.”

Politics are an ugly thing to be divided over. So is religion. Jesus was surprisingly clear on how he felt about both of those topics many times. He of course, doesn't address governments, he addresses the individual political and religious expressions of the people listening. He turns both their thinking, and our present day attitudes about life on it's head.

And I am pretty sure that if Jesus spoke to our country and our religious leaders today they would be just as upside-down to modern human beings as when he was incarnated and controversial 2000 years ago.
In fact, I think he did.

"If anyone comes to me and does not hate his father and mother, his wife and children, his brothers and sisters—yes, even his own life—he cannot be my disciple." (Luke 14:26)

I can see Jesus implying things like "wealth, country, allegiance, heritage, prestige, position, importance in the eyes of others" in all those examples. He is using hate loosely, as I have heard many teachers explain it, mainly to make the statement that God must be so first in our allegiances that in contrast nothing else could even look like devotion in comparison. Family ties are generally seen as the greatest cultural bonds, and Jesus struck at the heart of even what seems like a good thing.
You see, Jesus is not about doing good things, or living a good life. He told a rightious young man who was relatively wealthy that he had one more step to make.

"You still lack one thing. Sell everything you have and give to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven. Then come, follow me." (Luke 18:22)

"If any man smite thee on the one cheek, turn unto him the other also." If these precepts were kept, would it not turn the world upside down? "It has been said by them of old time, love thy neighbor and hate thine enemy;" but Jesus Christ said, "Let love be unto all men." He commands us to love our enemies, and to pray for them who despitefully use us. He says, "If thine enemy hunger, feed him, and if he thirst give him drink, for in so doing thou shalt heap coals of fire on his head." This would indeed be turning the world upside down; for what would become of our war ships and our warriors, if at the port-holes where now we put our cannons, we should have sent out to some burning city of our enemies—for instance, to burning Sebastapol,—if we had sent to the houseless inhabitants, who had been driven from their homes, barrels of beef, and bundles of bread and clothes, to supply their wants. That would have been a reversal of all human policy, but yet it would have been just the carrying out of Christ's law, after all. So shall it be in the days that are to come, our enemies shall be loved, and our foemen shall be fed.
(Sermon 193 contd)

The Simple Way

2009-04-23T18:21:00.004-04:00

answer...
"Once, there was a small group of kids who decided to go to a park in the middle of the city, and dance and play, laugh and twirl. As they played in the park, they thought that maybe another child would pass by and see them. Maybe that child would think it looked fun and even decide to join them. Then maybe another one would. Then maybe a businessman would hear them from his skyscraper. Maybe he would look out the window. Maybe he would see them playing and lay down his papers and come down. Maybe they could teach him to dance. Then maybe another businessman would walk by, a nostalgic man, and he would take off his tie and toss aside his briefcase and dance and play. Maybe the whole city would join the dance. Maybe even the world. Maybe . . . Regardless, they decided to enjoy the dance."
~Shane Claiborne

I would start the dance.

*

2009-03-28T22:54:00.001-04:00

Some days I imagine life is the sort of thing I can make right...

And then I am crushed. I know it is too painful an assessment to place upon those who are truly in pain.

Where is their God?

I see a myriad of choices coming in and shattering my already broken worldview.

I want to put an asterisk on those shirts that read "life is good"

Life is good.*

(*except when it is bad. In the case things life suddenly becomes "not good" we offer no refund for your experience, but you can always ship the shirt off to a third world country for some starving child to wear who can't even understand the irony. Enjoy!)

I will never wear one, even when I believe that life is and can be good. I have no desire to be one of 'those people".

Maybe I will go to school and graduate doing exactly what I want to be doing with ferver, I will be happy, but I will skip the shirt that proclaims so.

Maybe I will get married and be tempted to get one, maybe we will make love and I will be so caught up in her I wonder how I ever did life alone. I will burn the shirt, hoodie, hat, croc that bears it's brand if I am given it.

Maybe I will have a child, and I will love that child like she is my own. I will let her wear the shirt, until she is seven, and then she and I will talk about the real world, and how we are going to change it.

Maybe I will be old and senile and will be given the shirt to ease the pain of aging memories...

I will give the shirt to the drunk guy on the street, he will probably not care, but he will ask me for money. I will give him a 5 dollar bill and tell him I have walked with God. I will tell him why there is an asterisk on the shirt.

And then I will go home, after she does, so I can finally feel the pain of greatest loss and hope in death and protect her from having to feel that way for me. So I can be there for her last breath... maybe then life will make sense, as I let go of it so that I can see what lies behind it, so I can finally say that life was good.*

*will it?

Where's my head?

2009-03-08T21:48:00.010-04:00

I am staring. Pretty sure my palms are sweating. Am I in denial about what is happening right now? Perhaps I should sit down. Or is it better I stand up? I have no clue.

He is standing so I think I will sit. At his table.

“Get out of my face! You are a piece of s***! Get your f****** face away from my table now!” Food and spittle hit my face as this angry man stands over me leaning in, threatening me, incensed, hateful and fearful. He hates me. He has made that clear. But I bought him coffee, and I sat at his table to talk to him. I dared to challenge him.
And he is scared.

My voice, it sounds so powerless, and I wonder if it is a little cocky, to stand here and defy this man who is threatening to kill me for disrupting his mildly profitable tarot card reading. It is tense, and I am slightly shaken with astonishment.
But I am not scared, not like he is. Just nervous. And I am shaking. They say that excitement and nervousness often manifest themselves in the same way. If that is true, I could just be really excited.

“You don’t have the right or power to tell that girl’s future. What is it that gives you that right?”

There are still a few bystanders, leftover from the last reading observing the scene and sipping coffee. My sister Prayse and my friends, Sidra and Ryan sit at the table behind me. They are praying for me, and I am praying. Hard. Fast. Wisdom God, please show me why this is happening to me today... “...you want to go into the alley to talk!” Bringing me back to his threats of death. He points to his little black book on the table and opens it to a page listen the names of Hell’s Angels associates. “Read my references, and get the f*** out of here...”

I looked into his face, covered mostly by a scraggly grey beard, and he is wearing a truckers cap. His eyes are darting and he is pacing, and seems to be staying a certain distance away from me as though I am diseased.

My friend puts her hand on my shoulder. "We should go", she says. I am sure she can feel how much I am shaking. She is right, what can I do? I challenged his beliefs, disrupted his readings, and the barista is kicking him out. I am not sure I have done the right thing, but there is no reasoning with him. He won't answer my questions.
"And I'd search for reason I'm awake
To hear this song march, blasphemy I'd take"

Goodness where have my thoughts gone. Pray. Pray for him. Pray for the people he has led astray. For those who watched in dismay, and for those who died inside tonight. Pray against the evil, and for those who are caught in the web of lies, the games, the traps, the fear.
I serve a mighty God who is alive, whose breath fills my lungs.

"No weapon that is formed against you will prosper;
and every tongue that accuses you in judgment you will condemn.
This is the heritage of the servants of the LORD,
and their vindication is from Me"
-Isaiah 54:17

If you are a Christian, you might know this verse. It continues, not with this militaristic language, but a beautiful promise.

Every one who thirsts, come to the waters;
And you who have no money come, buy and eat
Come, buy wine and milk
Without money and without cost.
Why do you spend money for what is not bread,
And your wages for what does not satisfy?

God promises that nothing will ultimately harm his servants, no matter how powerful the enemy. No matter how much control over their evil they think they are, they are undone.
"I believe in the duality of the universe, in the universality of the mind."
That was what the man told me, when I initially questioned his power. He is wrong, good and evil are not equal forces. Evil cannot trump what is written by God in the foundations of the earth. This man would read the stars? I know who made them.

Friends, stand boldly in Christ. Don't waste your thirst, seeking water from empty wells, buying cheap insights from tricksters.
I am tired. I am numb, and I am subtly moving forward in my understanding of God's love. We are to love those who hate us. Turn the other cheek. Yet in the presence of injustice, and false teaching we are to be bold, unafraid to stand up for what is right. This is the double edged sword of perfect love.

My friends were praying for me. We didn't stop even after we drove home.

And Ed, I hope my presentation of you was honest, and that you may find the truth somehow. I continue to pray for you daily.

The Mad Farmer Liberation Front

2009-02-27T16:29:00.001-05:00

Love the quick profit, the annual raise,
vacation with pay. Want more
of everything ready-made. Be afraid
to know your neighbors and to die.
And you will have a window in your head.
Not even your future will be a mystery
any more. Your mind will be punched in a card
and shut away in a little drawer.
When they want you to buy something
they will call you. When they want you
to die for profit they will let you know.

So, friends, every day do something
that won't compute. Love the Lord.
Love the world. Work for nothing.
Take all that you have and be poor.
Love someone who does not deserve it.
Denounce the government and embrace
the flag. Hope to live in that free
republic for which it stands.
Give your approval to all you cannot
understand. Praise ignorance, for what man
has not encountered he has not destroyed.

Ask the questions that have no answers.
Invest in the millenium. Plant sequoias.
Say that your main crop is the forest
that you did not plant,
that you will not live to harvest.
Say that the leaves are harvested
when they have rotted into the mold.
Call that profit. Prophesy such returns.

Put your faith in the two inches of humus
that will build under the trees
every thousand years.
Listen to carrion - put your ear
close, and hear the faint chattering
of the songs that are to come.
Expect the end of the world. Laugh.
Laughter is immeasurable. Be joyful
though you have considered all the facts.
So long as women do not go cheap
for power, please women more than men.
Ask yourself: Will this satisfy
a woman satisfied to bear a child?
Will this disturb the sleep
of a woman near to giving birth?

Go with your love to the fields.
Lie down in the shade. Rest your head
in her lap. Swear allegiance
to what is nighest your thoughts.
As soon as the generals and the politicos
can predict the motions of your mind,
lose it. Leave it as a sign
to mark the false trail, the way
you didn't go. Be like the fox
who makes more tracks than necessary,
some in the wrong direction.
Practice resurrection.

Manifesto: The Mad Farmer Liberation Front" from The Country of Marriage, copyright © 1973 by Wendell Berry

Perspectives

2009-02-11T15:42:00.005-05:00

Officially I am not a "blogger". Mainly because I cannot on a consistent basis make the time to come up with anecdotal phraseologies, and snide commentary on current events. if I could do that I would be a blog person, and I might actually feel worthy of having a blog/xanga/facebook notes/etc. or wherever you might be RSS reading this from... if I will indulge myself with the thought that someone out there cares enough to subscribe to my feed, besides my mom, who doesn't even know what an RSS feed is and would have to ask me to do it for her.

I am not a blog person. I like reading them, and when I can I enjoy writing down little things to keep mine alive. It is like forgetting to water a house plant until the last minute, all the time. After a while that poor plant is used to living at the edge of dehydration. It becomes a guilty weight around your neck, and you begin to think about the plant until you water it too much and the plant refuses to drink, and it goes all over the floor. It's happened, I know.

In this time since my last post I found the most meaningful way I could express my experiences was a blog. Not this one, another one. There are some seriously beautiful posts about life, and finding God's purpose, and compassion, all from the perspective of three guys who took a journey to Nepal. I am not saying my posts are seriously beautiful, but they are some of the most heartfelt things I have written, and Caleb and Patrick are exceptional writers.

http://travelerfilms.wordpress.com/

I am mentioning this in case you haven't visited yet. Perhaps it will challenge and inspire you, as it challenged and inspired us. It certainly still is an experience I am learning from. Even after being home for several weeks and dealing with life day in and day out. For me it has been a difficult month. One of decisions, and illness and micro journeys that I am learning to cope with. In all of it, I am glad for the place of growth God has put me in. I am attending a class every week that is deepening my faith in some incredible ways. It is called "Perspectives", and the name is just the beginning of what the course is about.

It is a blessing to me to have an in depth study to build on the foundations of what I have already been learning in my travels and my walk with God. Perspectives is making me think, and question, and seek answers. I am glad I finally let my missions inclined friends talk me into it.

The name implies more than one perspective. Understanding God's purpose requires us to do more than find the answers we are most comfortable with from our own view, we must engage with other people, and learn to see through their eyes. We must ultimately be willing to see through God's perfect eyes, and to respond to him. I am learning this in baby steps right now.

So you are required by reading this to begin to examine your own heart towards missions. I am curious what you will find.

Follow the Story/Nepal Blogging

2008-12-18T23:56:00.009-05:00

I want to remind anyone that might be interested of the locale of my Nepal blogging. It isn't here, but you can follow this link to get there: travelerfilms.org

Please visit the site regularly and keep us in your prayers as you follow the journey we are taking...

It is getting very close! I am in fact, worn out already, from the preparation and the late nights of work these past few weeks. Since I pretty much won’t be getting much rest these next few weeks, I am counting my blessings. Caffeine. Lukewarm showers (for now). A warm bed. Stuff in abundance…. and I am thankful to have the chance to work on a project like this. The hard work, weary travel and sleepless nights will all be worth it in the end! I can tell already by the response the trailer has received, as well as the excitement and dedication I personally have for the trip and film.

The vision for this trip and film project has been a team effort between myself and Caleb and Patrick, but there have been a few others who have had a great supporting influence on each of us.
One of those is a man who has been my mentor in no small way. His encouragement, and personal dedication to his work and also his creative genius have given me much to aspire to.
Since Shane has had a large part in helping prepare me for the field of media, I think it is fitting he is mentoring me through this project as well.
He has written a post that sums up much of the purpose and vision for the series on the City on a Hill blog.

This film series will be launched by City on a Hill Productions sometime around April as a DVD driven small group study guide. (We are still working on a name for it.)

So currently as I pack and make my last rounds of purchases and equipment gathering for the journey I am outlining the film project in my head and writing out as much as I can. The key to a successful trip like this will be proper planning. No project succeeded without it.

Goodnight and namaste.

Shepherd Ahlers/filmmaker

Thanksgiving is now a National Holiday!!!

2008-11-27T12:51:00.006-05:00

"Whereas it is the duty of all Nations to acknowledge the providence of Almighty God, to obey his will, to be grateful for his benefits, and humbly to implore his protection and favor--and whereas both houses of Congress have by their joint Committee requested me to recommend to the People of the United States a day of public thanksgiving and prayer to be observed by acknowledging with grateful hearts the many signal favors of Almighty God especially by affording them an opportunity peaceably to establish a form of government for their safety and happiness."

George Washington, October 3, 1789

That is pretty cool huh? A holiday to thank a Universally recognized God who is involved in the worlds affairs? What an idea.... I would like to see congress pass something like this lately.

Happy thanksgiving friends! I go to eat turkey, and rejoice in God's good graces.

peace.

No matter who is in the oval office...

2008-11-05T15:46:00.007-05:00

"Who's your brother, who's your sister
You just walked passed him
I think you missed her
As we're all migrating to the place where our father lives
'Cause we married in to a family of immigrants

My first allegiance is not to a flag, a country, or a man
My first allegiance is not to democracy or blood
It's to a King & a Kingdom

There are two great lies that I've heard:
"the day you eat of the fruit of that tree, you will not surely die"
And that Jesus Christ was a white, middle-class republican
And if you wanna be saved you have to learn to be like Him

But nothing unifies like a common enemy
And we've got one, sure as hell
But he may be living in your house
He may be raising up your kids
He may be sleeping with your wife
Oh no, he may not look like you think"

[Lyrics sung by Derek Webb]

A Guide To The New Media For The Church

2008-11-03T09:25:00.005-05:00

The New Media Frontier
Blogging, Vlogging, and Podcasting For Christ
Edited by John Mark Reynalds & Roger Overton

Is it possible to communicate the fullness of the ever changing, ever expansive category of “New Media”, using a book? That is just what John Mark Reynalds & Roger Overton attempt to do, as they bring together some of the best voices from the Christian movement in online media and blogging. The results are a fascinating and informative book, that for now is a complete and relevant guide to the things Christian media creators should know and should care about.

The book is written by a team of well-researched writers, who speak from experience. It begins especially well, and explains the history and the relevancy of the New Media from a Judeo-Christian worldview. From there it continues to build the case for Christians to learn to use the new forums of communication now open to us.

The points it raises are fascinating, and to the point. Each question is handled well, and nothing is simply dismissed or glossed over.
It explains why Christians should err on the side of liberty when it comes to the new media, and at the same time explores the pitfalls and weaknesses in the New Media movement.

The communication style of each writer is easy to read, but very well researched and full of information. I found myself highlighting and marking sections of the book to come back to. There possibly couldn’t be a better resource available for the Christian interested and/or involved in producing for a new generation highly attuned to the ever changing world of media. The author brings out this quote that; “as long as Liberty prevails, a chance for more entrepreneurial activity in information distribution will exist.”
The incredible tools that the New Media bring to the table will need to be defended, for freedoms sake. True Christianity has and will do well under the microscope of free information access.

If you are new to the realm of online media and blogging, this is a great start, but without mentioning up and coming and widely popular twitter.com and spending so much time on the awful Youtube, rather than the more relevant and high quality sites for video available (where is vimeo.com in this discussion?) I wonder how long this book will last before needing to be republished?
Of course that is the point… Technology changes, and the old media can only take the church so far before we are irrelevant.

I work in producing media that falls into both the old media and new media categories, and I found this book to be extremely relevant to the questions I had in trying to navigate the expansive waters of the internet revolutions aftermath. Great discussions will come from reading this book, and I imagine most of them will be communicated, like this review, via the internet. This is the New Media Frontier. Have we missed it?

Introducing: my journey east...

2008-10-29T13:14:00.011-04:00

http://vimeo.com/1819085

"in order of appearance:
Caleb Meeks
Patrick Covert
Shepherd Ahlers

December 22-Jan 8 2009

I have always admired people who choose to be missionaries. I have often wondered if it is something I could have chosen for myself. I want to have that mentality of self sacrifice and the freedom that comes from serving God with my life. Since realizing my calling in media and coming to City on a Hill Productions I have seen the need for a counter-cultural view on the power and purpose of media, within the church and otherwise.

The average person consumes media on an almost constant basis, and without building a case for missions using that language I think very few people will realize it's importance or existence. The youth in our generation, like myself, spend their time surrounded by music, movies, television, and online media for an average of 6.5 hours a day. If they are going to hear the cry for them to take action it must come in the language they are most attuned to. Most young people want to feel like they are a part of something, they want to make a difference with their lives, they want to stop world hunger, or end unjust war... but few ever move from wanting to do something, to actually getting their hands dirty in real change. The purpose of this journey to Nepal and the focus of me and Caleb and Patrick will be always to speak to that young person, and give them more than a cause, but a calling.

Why did we choose nepal? There is a huge need in that country for relief, and hope. This is what Christ called us to do, is to be his hands and feet, and to comfort the hurting, and to take care of widows and orphans, and to set the captive free from the chains that bind their souls. There is incredible poverty and despair in Nepal.

Approximately 40% of Nepalese live below the poverty line of $12 per person/per month. Discrimination on the grounds of caste is officially illegal in Nepal but is in fact widespread, especially in rural areas. Members of the lowest caste (dalits, or untouchable) are the most disadvantaged group. Most people in the dalit caste work as wage labourers for higher-caste farmers.
http://www.ruralpovertyportal.org/english/regions/asia/npl/index.htm

We will be creating awareness of poverty, and suffering, but in the metanarrative we will be bringing out the calling of God in each one of us, to be Christ to the world, especially young people. That is our hope for this project, and for our own lives.
We are there during the coldest time of the year, and we are going to be facing a lot of cultural challenges as well. None of us will be effective communicators to the Nepalese people on our own, and so we are doing our best to crash course ourselves in Nepali culture and phrases. The other part of the trip may include india, another unique culture, so we will have our hands full with preparing for this journey.
We will be online throughout our journey, so you should be able to follow our trip through daily blog posts through our soon to be announced site...

Be sure to bookmark it for the future: journeynepal.org

To best keep up with this project, send an email to: shepherd@cityonahillproductions.com with "subscribe" in the subject line, and I will add you to our newsletter e-list.

Fireproofing the box office

2008-10-02T14:34:00.003-04:00

The elements were there: Kirk Cameron Christian superstar ala Left Behind, a $500K budget, a soundtrack made of cheesy christian radio singles. I was ready to be treated to tired church platitudes and sermons preached by characters with heavy southern accents that almost sounded faked...

And somehow a film with all those elements I described beat out Brad Pit in the box office for the #4 spot, having opened on less than 1000 screens, and being marketed almost purely by grassroots means. It has caused a firestorm in Hollywood, and for good reason!

This movie wasn't just a success in the box office, it was a win in the heart of the story it tried to tell. I walked away, not thinking about the hit and miss supporting cast, or how bad the soundtrack was, or the obvious low budget camera work. I didn't care, because somehow the purity of the story got deep inside me. Someone said the movie made them want to be a better person, and that is how I felt.
It relied on too much "christianeze" for most outsiders, but for the Christ follower, and especially the person struggling with their marriage, this will be time well spent. For me, the most exciting thing is the way this movie will pave the way for more and better independent films, and change the way faith based films are marketed. To that I would give 5 stars.

I could write a review of the movie itself, and point out it's strengths and weaknesses, but someone else took the time to write an excellent review that I almost completely agree with, on both it's praise and criticism, both of which I believe are necessary for art to improve.
Patrol Magazine: 'Fireproof'

Also of note is the discussion surrounding this movie. It has captured the attention of Hollywood in a big way.

An Interns Life (or goals part 2)

2008-09-18T12:51:00.005-04:00

Read the original post here...

I am typing this from a hotel room in Memphis, Tennessee at about 12AM as I am down here with a very small City on a Hill crew here shooting a video for an incredible ministry to recovering inmates in the Memphis area and beyond.

This will also be my first real personal entry to the City on a Hill blog, even though I have been creating video content for this here blog for a good long time. It is one of the joys and stresses of my internship at City on a Hill Productions. A position only a select few will ever achieve in their lifetime. A coveted position. A position often referred to by those who know as "indentured servitude".

Why am I here, doing this? I decided to write about that particular story. (Out of a good many I could have possibly chosen.)
So I shall start in the beginning... I was born in a small run down apartment owned by my parents in the east end of Louisville in July of 1989... OK. So maybe not that far back.
I'll start with more recent events. In 2006 I was 16 years old, and was only just beginning to feel the wind beneath my wings so to speak. Maybe I was a socially challenged homeschool student, (that's a joke actually) but I had begun to really feel the calling of God on my life to pursue media. Then my parents decided an ordinary life with 7 kids wasn't enough and they adopted 5 more from Western Africa. At that point I knew God was challenging my family to change our thinking in the area of family and ministry. What I wasn't aware of was how God was changing and forming me for ministry in an area I began to have an inexplicable passion for. It happened as easy as breathing in a smoke filled room. I had to do it, even though it wasn't always easy to follow through with. I didn't get my desire to craft films and media with a neat little instruction package, so to speak, but I am blessed with parents who recognized my need to pursue this dream I had.

Fast forward a little. I am growing frustrated. I learned a lot through trial and error. Going to Africa I found the story, but struggled in learning how to communicate it. I do know that during this time I developed the most crucial connection I have made. Media is a mission field.
Yes I was ON the mission field, but I realized that what I was doing, bringing the mission field back to people safe in their homes through the power of visual storytelling, was a vocation in itself. I knew there was a language to learn, and I began praying that God would bring someone into my life who could help me better learn that language.
Enter City on a Hill. Stage left. It almost was that simple. I had placed this growing passion back in God's hands a good many times, and it was during one of these spells where God proved he knew what He was doing, and that He knows how to keep secrets. I had no idea that there was a little production company growing up right beside me in my hometown. I couldn't have dreamed that it was doing exactly what I was just feeling a desire to do, to use media to tell story and support missions, and to do that excellently. I am also pretty sure my mom did a good job of convincing Shane he needed to be teaching me. (Thanks mom!) Though I don't think it hurt that I was not going to a full time school and was able to commit to an apprenticeship of sorts, and that I was able to drive. Believe me, I have run many an errand for City on a Hill. Many.

So you think that sounds easy? I wish I could write everything this has entailed, but for the sake of the ministry I will not. PETI would probably get involved if they knew how things really went down here.*

I continue to learn to communicate using this powerful medium of film, and I think I have found my home here for a while. I might have even convinced the staff I can be funny at times, which is quite an accomplishment, let me tell you.
I can only speculate what the continued journey will bring about. I am sure it includes fund-raising, and many projects I never dreamed I'd be given the chance to be a part of. Currently there are two specific projects I will be heading up in the near future I really should mention. One is a documentary in the country of Nepal I will be making this December. The other is "Shepherd's Project" which has has been put on hold as we are extremely busy with other projects, like Easter Experience and such right now. It will be a very cool project though, and I am excited about it's ministry potential. (hint: It's about adoption)

There you go. That is my update for now. I hope you continue to enjoy reading and going behind the scenes with our ministry and the lives of the staff members who make this team of creative amalgamation. Thanks for listening.

Shepherd Ahlers
Intern/Apprentice

[*People for the Ethical Treatment of Interns]

Richard Wurmbrand

2008-09-15T13:46:00.002-04:00

Take some time to watch this video and really listen. You can skip ahead to the part where Richard is actually talking. Listen to the part where he talks about being nothing. It blew me away.

"Nothing is the best substance there is, because God can make anything out of nothing."

Richard and his wife Sabina founded a ministry to the persecuted church known as Voice of the Martyrs.

Say The Word

2008-08-23T08:49:00.003-04:00

I had months to write a song
That captured who you are
But I fear I have done you wrong
Because I've failed you so far
The chord that struck, an angel fell
The sky went dark and it all comes down
The choices made, the lies forgotten
Oh, well

This is the way that I know
This is the way that I know
I would give everything for some hope
Are you different, could I be different too?
Nobody knows you, nobody knows you like I do

There's a song outside my window
And it plays to your tune
And there's a life inside this pencil
And it lives for what is true
Cause I am lost for words, the cost for her
Was way to much to bear
You're not perfect, but I don't care

This is the way that I know
This is the way that I know
I would give everything for some hope
Are you different, could I be different too?
Nobody knows you, nobody knows you like I do

Say the word, say the word
Are you different, could I be different too?
Nobody knows you, nobody knows you like I do

Are you different, could I be different too?
Nobody knows you, nobody knows you like I do
Are you different, could I be different too?
Nobody knows you, nobody knows you like I do

I still feel you...

Semi-reclusive digital personality.... Me?

2008-07-04T15:10:00.008-04:00

"Surely what a man does when he is taken off his guard is the best evidence for what sort of man he is..." ~ C.S. Lewis

There are two things that I have failed spectacularly at lately. Perhaps others if I put my mind to it, but two for the sake of brevity..

This morning I had a moment of self-revelation. I was slain, in the figurative, at something which I was formerly uncontested!
I lost in the first 90 minutes of chess! (OK, maybe it was less than that) Not just any chess match though, this was a true battle of wits!! It was brilliant and bold, and a true victory by my opponent. My consternation over the loss you ask?
My victorious opponent was none other than my six year old brother. (He doesn't even wear glasses!) I was more than a little deflated. If I remember his kind words of consolation, they were:

"It's alright, you maybe can beat me when you get a little bigger."

Does this seeming prodigy know who he just outmatched in the game that has passed the test of time? The game played by the greatest philosophers and by generals to practice their skills at actual combat strategy and to stretch their problem solving abilities? I was more than your average child nerd. I beat my grew-up-in-the-chess-club relatives and probably said similar comforting words of my own. There is no justice!
So I admit to being taken off guard. I went in to the game sure to outmatch my brother, and teach him something about skillful chess playing. Now I feel as though I will end up submitting myself to my (very adorable) six year old mentor. He will teach me the ins and outs of the game, and maybe some day I will be good enough to play a real game again. Maybe.

"An inconvenience is only an adventure wrongly considered; an adventure is an inconvenience rightly considered." ~ G.K. Chesterton

I have sat down many times intending to write a blog post again. I have!! I love the idea of blogging regularly. I love to read other peoples blogs. It lets me feel in touch with many people I don't see all that often, and gives great places to start conversations, etc. But my time to blog is not often aligned with my will to blog.
But tonight, on this independence day I am freeing myself from internet long-form blog semi-reclusivishness, and inconveniencing myself with a chance at adventure! At least, the glorious ability to share an adventure with others! If you don't mind being inconvenienced by reading of them. I have many adventures. Some very large, and some very small, and that are only exciting to me.

To continue this trend, I am working on a short round up of some movies I have seen recently. The latest I have just finished viewing, perhaps the best I have seen in a while! I am talking about The Great Debaters. I think that I am a small bit late in seeing it, but I am glad I finally did.

So if you read my blog encourage me to write more! If you play chess...

Umm. I play a mean game of checkers.

Variation On Commemorative Transfiguration and Communion At Magruder Park

2008-05-29T17:30:00.001-04:00

Here goes everything.
My life, my work, my love, my heart, my truth, my village, my remedy.

No longer mine
You may ask, why everything should go... I will tell you.

It is poetry. Everything must go.
Rubbish.

I count everything as loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord. For his sake I have suffered the loss of all things and count them as rubbish, in order that I may gain Christ
Philippians 3:8

Goals I Found In My Closet (Part 1)

2008-04-16T20:39:00.009-04:00

About a month ago I was digging through my closet. I don't quite know why I chose to clean out my closet that day, but I do know that I hadn't done it for a while. Amongst the mess I found some paper on which I had written a list of lifelong goals probably 3 years ago... I am guessing, because it was before I had invented a dating system for my subsequent letters and lists... Since part of the cleaning out my closet ordeal was a spiritual journey of reorganization, and cleansing... Sort of... I thought it would be cool to read over and see what I had yet to accomplish, and what things had changed in the time I wrote and stowed this note:

"Goal #1. Write a book."

Ok so maybe I have been a little slack on this one. I forgot this was on my list. Good to know it is a goal of mine!

Further down was something I could now check off my list:

"Goal #4. I want to be a black belt in Tae Kwon Do"

Many others I came across were small things. I wanted to go to a Falling Up Concert, and I wanted to create a blog. (and I still haven't done the former.) I wanted to achieve financial independence, to get married and have kids, to get my drivers license, to build my own home. Then I found what I feel is the most significant of all of these written goals of mine at this time in my life. It was written on the second page of my dreams:

"I want to work with dedicated people on film projects and I want to make at least one feature film that glorifies God."

I wrote these goals long before I even had an inkling of what God had in store. This was long before I knew of what kind of changes God would bring about in my life as well... I couldn't have imagined what it is like to fall in love with someone, and discover the agonies and growth of a relationship. I could only hope to someday have a part in a greater vision, but no real road to get there and achieve a dream I not only wished for, but felt called to take on.
It was before our family would take a huge risk and adopt 5 wonderful kids from a country called Liberia in western Africa.
It was long before I would be invited to start an apprenticeship with a Christian director, right here in Louisville! All I had were these small wishes in my mind, and I was so unaware of God's plan.
Through this reflection, I came to the obvious conclusion, that God knows my life's purpose better than I do! He put the planets in order, and he created the nucleus of a cell, and He knows my heart inside and out... He has brought me further than I had planned, so can I take any credit? I suppose the only credit I can take is that I have made my life available to him, through his grace. It is really a testament to Him no matter which way you look at it.

It was a year ago that I began working as a volunteer intern with City on a Hill. I was still new to the concept of driving, and I had so little experience. I am surprised that even after I got lost while getting lunch for everyone, and then breaking down in a car I had for all of 2 days that I was still given an increasing level of responsibility, and invested in. I continue to grow through the new experiences and the challenges, and the working relationships I have to work on at City on a Hill. But it is worth every moment I spend working long hours, or sitting in on meetings much bigger than me, or serving in whatever way I can, now as a member of a quickly growing ministry. Not to mention the experience I have gained in production, and learning an editing style through the various projects I am given. What did I do to deserve the opportunity? I don't know that I deserve it, but I have been given the awesome gift of goal number thirteen becoming a reality.

UK huh? Better change those colors...

2008-04-14T23:32:00.005-04:00

+The Announcement (and Invitation)+

These are friends of mine who will be working with us at City on a Hill soon.

I am excited about this. :)

If you haven't seen any of Richard's work yet, get yourself familiar with Youtube and watch The Interrogator
That is a good place to start. Then I suggest you see his film The Oath of Desormeau and Washington's Cross... I find all his films are well written, and show a potential in directing that I hope to achieve myself someday.

Aletheia Stage and Film

But apparently they are unaware of the implications of taking sides here in Kentucky.

Na 2008!

2008-04-12T16:18:00.004-04:00

This is a conference that I have not attended before, but I have heard a lot of good things about through friends who have attended, and also through Alex and Brett Harris' recommendation over at the Rebelution

One of the terms that really caught my attention, especially when I saw the add for it in Relevant Magazine, was "Humble Orthodoxy."
According to the website of Na or "New Attitude" Humble orthodoxy "is a commitment to believe, live, and represent biblical truth with humility."

If you are interested in going, do your research soon!

The Dates: MAY 24 – 27, 2008 | LOUISVILLE, KY

www.newattitude.org/conference

Hope to see you there!

Postponed Success

2008-03-12T11:18:00.001-04:00

"Failure is only postponed success". That is what I told myself, many times over.

I had waited so long for this moment, trained for this moment. It had been three years since I began my journey, and for much of three years I had kept this day in my mind, preparing myself for this day.
So failing to break the majority of my boards during black belt testing wasn't what I had hoped for, it was crushing to think I would fail this testing. Just boards... between me and a black belt. Everything else was just as I had trained for, but I had been confident that my techniques would carry me through. I knew strength was there, I simply missed. 4 times, all over shot. I assumed I was done, yet I still had fighting to do. Master Ramey didn't dismiss me. He put me in the ring, and for the next hour I fought hard, my eyes flashed I believe.
I didn't care if I was giving all for nothing, I was doing this to prove to myself I had it in me, the black belt spirit that never dies. Failure is an important part of success.

It is said that Thomas Edison when asked about all his attempts before getting the filament right in his lighbulb responded: "I never failed once. It just happened to be a 2000-step process."
It is that spirit that achieves the difficult.
(I believe there is little actually impossible, in the sense that one cannot achieve the impossible, for once it is achieved it is no longer impossible but difficult. It was only perceived as impossible before.)

My mind went back to what I had written in an essay for that very testing I was faced with...

"The “Do” in Tae Kwon Do literally means way of life. That is how I feel about martial arts. A way is a path, and that of a black belt student of Tae Kwon Do is the beginning of a journey I am ready to begin. No matter how hard or how complicated circumstances are in life, the ability to overcome and find victory shall always be my greatest asset. Bring it on."

"Bring it on."

It was on. Was I?
It felt like my dream was postponed. A lot. I watched others break their boards, and held for them, it was hard to not feel a little sorry for myself celebrating their achievements. But a black belt should not feel sorry for himself...
This was not the first time failure would creep up on me, nor the last. I was going to be shaped by this, and be better because of it.
I was given grace. Wednesday March 5th I was faced with the same challenge, over again. I was given a second chance to change my life. This time I wasn't to fail. It was postponed success, but it was success achieved only because I stayed in, and fought till the end, and didn't remain defeated.
I can smile, it is a memory now. It means I begin to face greater challenges, greater odds, and greater victories.

We are only defined by our circumstances if we allow them to define us.

What Are You Listening To?

2008-01-30T14:36:00.003-05:00

A Switchfoot tune a few years back gives the challenge, "if we are adding to the noise, turn off this song."
I love music, I admit I might enjoy it more than I should… I usually keep it playing in the background as I drive, or write, or just think and dream.
I turn on different music at different times, especially when I am feeling all at one end of the emotional scale.
I have sometimes wondered if Jon Forman really hoped that somebody would take his advice when he wrote that song? Perhaps he is acknowledging something we all know somewhat. That the media all around us, the "stereo, radio, video, I don't know what they're gonna think of next" is just another way to drown out what is really important.

Ideas. They are thrown at us these days. Not just simply presented in a book where you can much more easily evaluate them, but shouted at you through the TV set. You get more than your share of what others think you should believe when you go to the movies, or in surfing the Internet, or listening to the radio, or walking through the mall. All these modern conventions make up what we call the "information age". On demand we can become know-it-alls about pretty much anything. As great as this makes a game of trivial pursuit, or writing research papers, it also makes us consumers of such mass amounts of media that distract us, and give us at best, a convoluted view of life, love and God.
It is like we are walking around surrounded by all these messages and images and voices fighting for our attention, trying to get us to buy this, or try this, or live this certain way. All seem to want to make us happy. Most end up pulling you in totally opposite directions. Having access to all of the ideas in the world provides a challenge of navigation...
How do we keep ourselves from getting lost in the vast array of advertisements, video games, magazines and hit singles? I mean it is all targeted right at you! With the purpose of selling you something, so that you keep buying something, so that you are addicted to what they are selling.
It is so easy to get lost when you're trying to navigate a noisy universe.
This was the theme of a communications conference I attended this month. The official slogan for it was "Through The Noise".
Noise in a photograph is the particles that distort the image, and what generally distracts from an otherwise good picture. I am often frustrated by the presence of noise in my photos. Who wants a noisy picture? But that is what we often have in our lives.
We live in the noise.
The picture of “noise” represents ideas about something. Ideas about life.
But in a world of noise, I am afraid just adding our "Christian" noise is not going to help either.
There was this dump truck I passed on the road the other day that said; "Jesus loves you this much." In reading it the first thought that came to mind was "absurd!" Does that mean he loves me as much as a truck full of landfill? I mean, I know that Jesus loves me, and I want the world to know that too... But what are we saying when we attach the name of Jesus just to any form of communication? I am feeling like the dump truck is getting in the way of my perceptions of the otherwise awesome truth of Christ's eternal love. I am not saying God doesn't use dump trucks, but what is up when Christians make Jesus another bumper sticker, or another song, or another "B" grade movie? I can't handle it, and I am willing to bet that most of this generation is thinking the same thing, only they can't see the truth on the other side of the noise we've made.

So what is the answer? We can't just make all that noise go away... I still watch movies, and listen to a little to much music. I watch Mythbusters on the discovery channel and skip the commercials, I want to use the internet without getting caught up in social networking, or the oh so easy access to sexualized images. I use a blog to write my thoughts down just like any other teenager in my generation, I cook on a gas powered stove.... I mean I do cook, sometimes... To take it back to the noisy photograph problem, it is a combination of light, and the correct focus that will give a clear image. (if you have already shot it, you need photoshop... but that is another tangent.) As I have learned in filmmaking, just changing the focus of the image can change the story dramatically.

I feel so strongly about the power that film has through storytelling. I don’t watch movies for purely entertainment any more. I have to evaluate the story, what is being communicated to the audience, and how it is being communicated. So when I think of examples for blogs like this, I like to use those I have gained from movies. Like this scene from Ray, where Ray Charles is blind and in the middle of a noisy restaurant with Della Bea Robinson, who would later become his wife...
"I hear like you see. Like that hummingbird outside the window for instance."
"I don't hear her."
"You have to listen... it’s all what you are listening for"

It is all in what you are listening for. It is easy to just hear the noise of people, and dishes, and the sounds of the street. Close your eyes and listen, and you can hear her much better now... "Her heart skipped a beat."
Ray's life was a life lived in the noise of drugs, extra marital affairs, and the music that made him famous. I am not certain he ever was completely changed, but in his life it took the truth to set him free, and make him "see" who he really was. We all need to know redemption, and we all need to know what voice to listen for out of all the other voices. In the midst of all the voices of the entertainers, and the acclaimed speakers and politicians and professors, how will we know who to listen to?
If we are listening to something greater than the next big thing that will blow away in the wind, all the other noise around us cannot hold our attention, and hopefully we will learn not just to hear through the noise, but speak through it as well.

Stranded so I don't forget

2007-12-29T23:25:00.000-05:00

A year has passed, a page turned. Here comes a new year full steam freight train.

So what am I going to do? Who will I become this year? What opportunities will come my way that I am meant to take up? Will there be someone there to help me make my decision, or will I be alone to reach for what I think is right, to take what can at times feel like only my first steps as a man, learning the truth of what it takes.
It can be hard sometimes. But was life meant to be easy? I am not getting that impression so far. I may have it easier than most people in the world, but still just trying to decide whether or not your life and what you do with it has meaning doesn't come easy, even for me. Opportunity.
It feels silly that I should question, when I have just that, each day, the chance to become something more of who I am meant to be.

This evening on my way home, the engine died in the car I was driving. I had to wait for 2 and a half hours in the cold without heat, for AAA to bring a gallon of gas. This was quite frustrating in itself. When I finally drove off it began a most horrid start-stop routine that had me and probably all the other drivers around quite concerned. I was still about 2 miles away from the gas station, and I felt the frustration building. In times like this usually such a situation gives rise to a "damn" under my breath, and I will feel justified for a very short moment.
Opportunity. Yeah, I didn't get mad at the driver that was 2 and a half hours in coming, and I thought of all the people that must be colder than I was at the moment as I was waiting to curb my frustration... But this is getting ridiculous...
The thought of my faith at that moment reminded me that I was forgetting, and even blaming God for things that stemmed from my own mistakes, and I felt ashamed at that moment. The only way I would make it off this dark highway, I thought, is if I trust God. I said the only thing I could think, "God, please let this car start, and get me to the gas station. I am sorry, I do believe in you."
The car started, and drove as I said those words out loud. No more start-stop, not even a cough of the engine until I pulled into Speedway. it wasn't a formula, it was a heart change, and a transfer of trust from my flesh, to my Savior. It was absolutely humbling.

Are the hard things to teach us? I think so. It is the little things that count. The small things are that which will shape me into who I am becoming. Even though it is hard.

Something You Call Grace

2007-11-26T15:20:00.000-05:00

I've got to climb to the top
Never stop, until I reach it
Until I feel that I'm gold
And that I'm in control
Of life and my thought
When I'm not, I still preach it
Because they're all going to see
if I start to fall or lose control.
I'm losing control...of this

I've been balancing on suspended pianos
And trying to stay composed
It makes the loudest noise when they begin to crash
With eyes on me, I force a laugh
You come to me and set me free

I cross my arms across my chest
This is not a gift I can accept
But I appreciate the sentiment
I've worked too hard for rightousness
To just lay down while you hand me this
And put my faith in something you call grace...from you.

I've been lost inside a cave without a lantern
At every sound I start to run
I feel my way around the dark without a pattern
If I would wait you'd come
to rescue me and sail away

I cross my arms across my chest
This is not a gift I can accept
But I appreciate the sentiment
I've worked too hard for rightousness
To just lay down while you hand me this
And put my faith in something you call grace...

[from you]
I've been trying to learn what is from you.
Because I've been trying to earn what is freely given.

Every sound that you
Try to just refuse
Does it give and take?
Keeps it in my face
And tell me that this blood
Was spilled in vain.

Cool Hand Luke ~ The Balancing Act

Can I put my faith where it belongs? Not in myself, not in the flesh or in pomises I can't hold on to.
But in grace I do not deserve. When I know he wants me back.

The Grace That Sustains

Current Sermon

If I try harder I will fail. Nothing I can do to make myself better will succeed. That sounds depressing, but I know that those are the words of freedom for a fallen man. The grace truth is the only thing that can save us from ourselves, and the bible makes it clear that grace is what God offers through Jesus. Nothing else can restore, save, emancipate, redeem... free. I am work in progress, but a work in the hands of a gracious redeemer who can relate to my weaknesses as he was in all ways tempted like I. "if, when we were God's enemies, we were reconciled to him through the death of his Son, how much more, having been reconciled, shall we be saved through his life!" (Romans 5:10)
"For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus" (Romans 8:38) He promises that I will not be seperated from Him, no matter what. I am insufficiant on my own, and no attempt will satisfy the law, but for grace He is enough, and for that I am humbled.

Excursions

2007-10-20T17:35:00.001-04:00

I am preparing to travel to Texas tomorrow for the San Antonio Independent Christian Film Festival & Academy. http://www.independentchristianfilms.com

I know I will be placed in a pretty conservative group of people, where I am not quite so... having to sift through the legalism versus truth, and have a clear view of what that truth is, but I know there will be a lot of good teaching as well... Regardless of what I take away from this week, I am thankful for this
opportunity to connect with like minded people, and learn from those
with experience.

Filmmaking is such an important art for Christians to develop, and
something we have been pretty bad at in the past. I don't think it is
something we should do unless we are passionate about the art itself,
and care to do it well.
My desire is that I will be able to make films that ignite the thirst we all feel in our lives, and will lead the viewer to the source of truth, Jesus Christ. That is my hope at least. Just like any art form, it
must be real and from the heart. Humble because the truth needs no
pride. Loving because Christ loved to death. Definitely not contrived.

I am contemplating a quote by C.S. Lewis that I read in the book "Desiring God" by John Piper, because it is so good:

"Indeed, if we consider the unblushing promises of reward and the
staggering nature of the rewards promised in the Gospels, it would seem
that our Lord finds our desires not too strong, but too weak. We are
halfhearted creatures, fooling about with drink and sex and ambition
when infinite joy is offered us, like an ignorant child who wants to go
on making mud pies in a slum because he cannot imagine what is meant by
the offer of a holiday at the sea. We are far too easily pleased."
-C.S. Lewis

So what is he trying to say here? Somehow it speaks to me in a rather deep way. Too easily pleased... caught up in doing "good" things when the promise of God is so much greater, to which our "goodness" is only mud in the slum being formed into a pie by a child. There is so much more in store! I thank God for that reminder, because I am far to easily distracted. I need to know that God's pleasure is greater, and I need to find it. I have only begun to ingest the concepts of this book, but just in the first chapter it has me thinking quite a bit. I think I will take it with me on my trip.

And I think I will take my iPod and listen to Falling Up as well. Captiva has me captivated, held in it's grasp of thought and excursion into fields of stars and shipwrecks. Yes there are some really good things in life.

The Bourne Ultimatum

2007-09-23T23:39:00.001-04:00

He chooses to follow his honest conviction against the flow of the world and what it values, rebelling against what he is told is his new truth, and instead fights to find who he is. His conscience leads him to find his true identity.
So do you choose to follow that thread of conviction you inherently know to be right, though it goes against what makes you comfortable? Do you instead adhere to the stickiness of God's word and rule - fighting against the lower nature? The nature that tends to war against God and separates us from His goodness...
Jason Bourne is in all of us. He is a fighter, and could carry his training to great exploits, doing what few others could do... But though he's been brainwashed, the truth remains in a voice inside his head. "You were not meant for this. This is not life." Just like him, we have that choice, and we can choose to ignore that voice, or instead follow it and become aliens, join a group of people who are despised for their beliefs and standards... Follow the world, or your purpose, which is in God alone.

Hard choice?

What if it means giving up what you think means the most to you? Your reputation, your job, your friends, your pride?

God will wreck your life, and send you on the run. Don't believe it? Look at those who were closest to Jesus on this earth. They followed His example, and were imprisoned, tortured and murdered. Yet still they counted it all gain. Look at the stories of people beyond the typical American Christian, in history's chronicles, and today around the world there still are disciples of Christ laying down their lives like He did.
But to them, it is worth it. They know that to obey the world, they would be rejecting a higher authority, a God who is worth dying for. Yes, it is hard, I know. Sometimes doubt nags my mind, and I wonder at the cost. Then I remember the scars that were taken undeservedly so that I could have life.
To be who God purposed you to be may not seem as exciting, perhaps it may turn out to be very tough, but think of who you live for, and why.

So the question: Jason Bourne or David Webb? Who will you be?

Are you going to follow the truth or what others tell you is acceptable?
Find who you are. The rest will follow.

In a younger world

2007-09-02T18:32:00.002-04:00

"If God made me the way I am should I always like who I am? Who is it I am becoming? What if it is nothing like what I am meant to be and how can I tell?!?" - my thoughts

These questions cut closer to who I am as a man belonging to Christ, and not so much what I chose to do. Why I live, and what I think, and what it is I truly care about... are not those things more important in the long run?

I saw Switchfoot in concert for the first time two weeks ago. The song This Is Your Life was one of the highlights of a very energy charged concert. That message that stood out above all the lights and the performance. (Cool as the concert itself was, I got to meet them afterwords! They are some very cool guys... But I am getting off topic)
This morning before our pastor's message that song was played, and the question asked. "Are you who you want to be?" (I highly suggest watching this mornings message, and the past sermons in the series! You can watch them all online until Saturday the 8th: Southeast Christian Church - Sermons)
So I guess I have to ask myself that question, looking deeper than what I do (My work), or how others perceive me, but to really seek out the man I am inside. I am afraid of what I may find.

I guess we all feel that way at times. It is like we would rather be someone else than face who we truly are. But God gave us our own self to work with, and not another. In turn He gives us the power to choose everyday what will define us. He does give us passion for life at times, and wake up calls to our flesh at others... This is a part of living, and growing in Christ-likeness. It is an everyday choice. So perhaps in answer to those cutting questions, I can say both yes and no. We don't have to like who we are, when we realize we have become something that displeases God. It is in those times we should go to Him and pray for forgiveness, and ask for a will to change our habits daily. But at the same time, we need to thank God for his plan and purpose in making us who we are, and seek to use the gifts he has given us for His glory and pleasure.

For me, I have been placed in a field of work that I know I have been called in, and that I love. But I can't forget how much of a responsibility I have to be, as well as do what God has called me to. I am not just working to become a film-maker, I am working to become the man God has been forming in me from the foundation of the world, and no matter what I do, that is what will live on in eternity.

Eternity is a very long time to waste.

July 19, 2007

2007-07-19T01:05:00.002-04:00

I am an adult now... Officially.
So what does that mean? I really have no clue. Perhaps the idea of being able to make choices, the kinds of choices your parents made for you, are now your own to make... I guess that is what makes so many look forward to the age of 18, when you become responsible for your actions.
It is easy to lose that innocence and free spirit of youth, the kind that makes life always on a happy slant.

Kids want to be adults, and adults want to be kids.

I want to be me, thankful for where I am, right now. Who I am with, and what work I have been given.
A wise man, and grip by profession told me yesterday, "Remember that wherever you are, there you are."

Here I am.

Making Your Mark

2007-07-07T17:41:00.001-04:00

Life comes with that challenge. You probably know the one I refer to quite well, it is a search for a fundamental answer to a question we all are born asking, whether we are aware of it or not.

"Who am I? And why am I alive?" It is so basic, but at the same time, many have given up on finding an answer, and others (un)settle on going through the motions of living, trying everything that seems to promise some degree of happiness.
If you are indeed human, I am sure you search for purpose and something that seems to make sense and answer those nagging questions.
So do you settle? Do you keep moving on? What are you supposed to do? Life feels doomed to a bummer ending before it ever began. I don't know about you, but everyday I awake from dreams I can't explain, entering a world that I more often than not, feel very confused about, and then do things to keep myself alive and pursue dreams I hope come true, but like my cunfuzled night dreaming, I can't explain why I dream them and feel that my purpose lies in them.

Is it true then, what Solomon says in Ecclesiastes? "Meaningless, all of life is meaningless."

Something is not right. Something is terribly, terribly wrong. I was made for more than this, I just know it!
Why do some people seem to just know the answer? Why do people who seem to lose the most of what makes us the happiest, somehow the most joyful people we know?

Back to the challenge, to find meaning...

Its seems most of our American culture today seems to be sculpted around entertainment, thoughtful or not. Just keep looking at images meant to distract, and your eyes are kept away from the truth.
The truth is that all is not right here in this world. As close or as far as you choose to look, there is suffering that screams for help, for compassion from those more fortunate.
And we seem to make as little of an impact as we can on very much of anything, and avoid both conflict and the knowledge of pain in others. For all of us, it is much easier to watch people live life, than really live our own the way we were meant too. And as a challenge, as much for me as anyone else, nothing but knowing the dangerous, fascinating, and very real God of the universe, and having a relationship with Him can make sense and give a very distorted image the clarity of eternity.