Goals I Found In My Closet (Part 1)

About a month ago I was digging through my closet. I don't quite know why I chose to clean out my closet that day, but I do know that I hadn't done it for a while. Amongst the mess I found some paper on which I had written a list of lifelong goals probably 3 years ago... I am guessing, because it was before I had invented a dating system for my subsequent letters and lists... Since part of the cleaning out my closet ordeal was a spiritual journey of reorganization, and cleansing... Sort of... I thought it would be cool to read over and see what I had yet to accomplish, and what things had changed in the time I wrote and stowed this note:

"Goal #1. Write a book."

Ok so maybe I have been a little slack on this one. I forgot this was on my list. Good to know it is a goal of mine!

Further down was something I could now check off my list:

"Goal #4. I want to be a black belt in Tae Kwon Do"

Many others I came across were small things. I wanted to go to a Falling Up Concert, and I wanted to create a blog. (and I still haven't done the former.) I wanted to achieve financial independence, to get married and have kids, to get my drivers license, to build my own home. Then I found what I feel is the most significant of all of these written goals of mine at this time in my life. It was written on the second page of my dreams:

"I want to work with dedicated people on film projects and I want to make at least one feature film that glorifies God."

I wrote these goals long before I even had an inkling of what God had in store. This was long before I knew of what kind of changes God would bring about in my life as well... I couldn't have imagined what it is like to fall in love with someone, and discover the agonies and growth of a relationship. I could only hope to someday have a part in a greater vision, but no real road to get there and achieve a dream I not only wished for, but felt called to take on.
It was before our family would take a huge risk and adopt 5 wonderful kids from a country called Liberia in western Africa.
It was long before I would be invited to start an apprenticeship with a Christian director, right here in Louisville! All I had were these small wishes in my mind, and I was so unaware of God's plan.
Through this reflection, I came to the obvious conclusion, that God knows my life's purpose better than I do! He put the planets in order, and he created the nucleus of a cell, and He knows my heart inside and out... He has brought me further than I had planned, so can I take any credit? I suppose the only credit I can take is that I have made my life available to him, through his grace. It is really a testament to Him no matter which way you look at it.

It was a year ago that I began working as a volunteer intern with City on a Hill. I was still new to the concept of driving, and I had so little experience. I am surprised that even after I got lost while getting lunch for everyone, and then breaking down in a car I had for all of 2 days that I was still given an increasing level of responsibility, and invested in. I continue to grow through the new experiences and the challenges, and the working relationships I have to work on at City on a Hill. But it is worth every moment I spend working long hours, or sitting in on meetings much bigger than me, or serving in whatever way I can, now as a member of a quickly growing ministry. Not to mention the experience I have gained in production, and learning an editing style through the various projects I am given. What did I do to deserve the opportunity? I don't know that I deserve it, but I have been given the awesome gift of goal number thirteen becoming a reality.

UK huh? Better change those colors...

+The Announcement (and Invitation)+

These are friends of mine who will be working with us at City on a Hill soon.

I am excited about this. :)

If you haven't seen any of Richard's work yet, get yourself familiar with Youtube and watch The Interrogator
That is a good place to start. Then I suggest you see his film The Oath of Desormeau and Washington's Cross... I find all his films are well written, and show a potential in directing that I hope to achieve myself someday.

Aletheia Stage and Film

But apparently they are unaware of the implications of taking sides here in Kentucky.

Na 2008!

This is a conference that I have not attended before, but I have heard a lot of good things about through friends who have attended, and also through Alex and Brett Harris' recommendation over at the Rebelution

One of the terms that really caught my attention, especially when I saw the add for it in Relevant Magazine, was "Humble Orthodoxy."
According to the website of Na or "New Attitude" Humble orthodoxy "is a commitment to believe, live, and represent biblical truth with humility."

If you are interested in going, do your research soon!

The Dates: MAY 24 – 27, 2008 | LOUISVILLE, KY

www.newattitude.org/conference

Hope to see you there!

Postponed Success

"Failure is only postponed success". That is what I told myself, many times over.

I had waited so long for this moment, trained for this moment. It had been three years since I began my journey, and for much of three years I had kept this day in my mind, preparing myself for this day.
So failing to break the majority of my boards during black belt testing wasn't what I had hoped for, it was crushing to think I would fail this testing. Just boards... between me and a black belt. Everything else was just as I had trained for, but I had been confident that my techniques would carry me through. I knew strength was there, I simply missed. 4 times, all over shot. I assumed I was done, yet I still had fighting to do. Master Ramey didn't dismiss me. He put me in the ring, and for the next hour I fought hard, my eyes flashed I believe.
I didn't care if I was giving all for nothing, I was doing this to prove to myself I had it in me, the black belt spirit that never dies. Failure is an important part of success.

It is said that Thomas Edison when asked about all his attempts before getting the filament right in his lighbulb responded: "I never failed once. It just happened to be a 2000-step process."
It is that spirit that achieves the difficult.
(I believe there is little actually impossible, in the sense that one cannot achieve the impossible, for once it is achieved it is no longer impossible but difficult. It was only perceived as impossible before.)

My mind went back to what I had written in an essay for that very testing I was faced with...

"The “Do” in Tae Kwon Do literally means way of life. That is how I feel about martial arts. A way is a path, and that of a black belt student of Tae Kwon Do is the beginning of a journey I am ready to begin. No matter how hard or how complicated circumstances are in life, the ability to overcome and find victory shall always be my greatest asset. Bring it on."

"Bring it on."

It was on. Was I?
It felt like my dream was postponed. A lot. I watched others break their boards, and held for them, it was hard to not feel a little sorry for myself celebrating their achievements. But a black belt should not feel sorry for himself...
This was not the first time failure would creep up on me, nor the last. I was going to be shaped by this, and be better because of it.
I was given grace. Wednesday March 5th I was faced with the same challenge, over again. I was given a second chance to change my life. This time I wasn't to fail. It was postponed success, but it was success achieved only because I stayed in, and fought till the end, and didn't remain defeated.
I can smile, it is a memory now. It means I begin to face greater challenges, greater odds, and greater victories.

We are only defined by our circumstances if we allow them to define us.

What Are You Listening To?

A Switchfoot tune a few years back gives the challenge, "if we are adding to the noise, turn off this song."
I love music, I admit I might enjoy it more than I should… I usually keep it playing in the background as I drive, or write, or just think and dream.
I turn on different music at different times, especially when I am feeling all at one end of the emotional scale.
I have sometimes wondered if Jon Forman really hoped that somebody would take his advice when he wrote that song? Perhaps he is acknowledging something we all know somewhat. That the media all around us, the "stereo, radio, video, I don't know what they're gonna think of next" is just another way to drown out what is really important.

Ideas. They are thrown at us these days. Not just simply presented in a book where you can much more easily evaluate them, but shouted at you through the TV set. You get more than your share of what others think you should believe when you go to the movies, or in surfing the Internet, or listening to the radio, or walking through the mall. All these modern conventions make up what we call the "information age". On demand we can become know-it-alls about pretty much anything. As great as this makes a game of trivial pursuit, or writing research papers, it also makes us consumers of such mass amounts of media that distract us, and give us at best, a convoluted view of life, love and God.
It is like we are walking around surrounded by all these messages and images and voices fighting for our attention, trying to get us to buy this, or try this, or live this certain way. All seem to want to make us happy. Most end up pulling you in totally opposite directions. Having access to all of the ideas in the world provides a challenge of navigation...
How do we keep ourselves from getting lost in the vast array of advertisements, video games, magazines and hit singles? I mean it is all targeted right at you! With the purpose of selling you something, so that you keep buying something, so that you are addicted to what they are selling.
It is so easy to get lost when you're trying to navigate a noisy universe.
This was the theme of a communications conference I attended this month. The official slogan for it was "Through The Noise".
Noise in a photograph is the particles that distort the image, and what generally distracts from an otherwise good picture. I am often frustrated by the presence of noise in my photos. Who wants a noisy picture? But that is what we often have in our lives.
We live in the noise.
The picture of “noise” represents ideas about something. Ideas about life.
But in a world of noise, I am afraid just adding our "Christian" noise is not going to help either.
There was this dump truck I passed on the road the other day that said; "Jesus loves you this much." In reading it the first thought that came to mind was "absurd!" Does that mean he loves me as much as a truck full of landfill? I mean, I know that Jesus loves me, and I want the world to know that too... But what are we saying when we attach the name of Jesus just to any form of communication? I am feeling like the dump truck is getting in the way of my perceptions of the otherwise awesome truth of Christ's eternal love. I am not saying God doesn't use dump trucks, but what is up when Christians make Jesus another bumper sticker, or another song, or another "B" grade movie? I can't handle it, and I am willing to bet that most of this generation is thinking the same thing, only they can't see the truth on the other side of the noise we've made.

So what is the answer? We can't just make all that noise go away... I still watch movies, and listen to a little to much music. I watch Mythbusters on the discovery channel and skip the commercials, I want to use the internet without getting caught up in social networking, or the oh so easy access to sexualized images. I use a blog to write my thoughts down just like any other teenager in my generation, I cook on a gas powered stove.... I mean I do cook, sometimes... To take it back to the noisy photograph problem, it is a combination of light, and the correct focus that will give a clear image. (if you have already shot it, you need photoshop... but that is another tangent.) As I have learned in filmmaking, just changing the focus of the image can change the story dramatically.

I feel so strongly about the power that film has through storytelling. I don’t watch movies for purely entertainment any more. I have to evaluate the story, what is being communicated to the audience, and how it is being communicated. So when I think of examples for blogs like this, I like to use those I have gained from movies. Like this scene from Ray, where Ray Charles is blind and in the middle of a noisy restaurant with Della Bea Robinson, who would later become his wife...
"I hear like you see. Like that hummingbird outside the window for instance."
"I don't hear her."
"You have to listen... it’s all what you are listening for"

It is all in what you are listening for. It is easy to just hear the noise of people, and dishes, and the sounds of the street. Close your eyes and listen, and you can hear her much better now... "Her heart skipped a beat."
Ray's life was a life lived in the noise of drugs, extra marital affairs, and the music that made him famous. I am not certain he ever was completely changed, but in his life it took the truth to set him free, and make him "see" who he really was. We all need to know redemption, and we all need to know what voice to listen for out of all the other voices. In the midst of all the voices of the entertainers, and the acclaimed speakers and politicians and professors, how will we know who to listen to?
If we are listening to something greater than the next big thing that will blow away in the wind, all the other noise around us cannot hold our attention, and hopefully we will learn not just to hear through the noise, but speak through it as well.

Stranded so I don't forget

A year has passed, a page turned. Here comes a new year full steam freight train.

So what am I going to do? Who will I become this year? What opportunities will come my way that I am meant to take up? Will there be someone there to help me make my decision, or will I be alone to reach for what I think is right, to take what can at times feel like only my first steps as a man, learning the truth of what it takes.
It can be hard sometimes. But was life meant to be easy? I am not getting that impression so far. I may have it easier than most people in the world, but still just trying to decide whether or not your life and what you do with it has meaning doesn't come easy, even for me. Opportunity.
It feels silly that I should question, when I have just that, each day, the chance to become something more of who I am meant to be.

This evening on my way home, the engine died in the car I was driving. I had to wait for 2 and a half hours in the cold without heat, for AAA to bring a gallon of gas. This was quite frustrating in itself. When I finally drove off it began a most horrid start-stop routine that had me and probably all the other drivers around quite concerned. I was still about 2 miles away from the gas station, and I felt the frustration building. In times like this usually such a situation gives rise to a "damn" under my breath, and I will feel justified for a very short moment.
Opportunity. Yeah, I didn't get mad at the driver that was 2 and a half hours in coming, and I thought of all the people that must be colder than I was at the moment as I was waiting to curb my frustration... But this is getting ridiculous...
The thought of my faith at that moment reminded me that I was forgetting, and even blaming God for things that stemmed from my own mistakes, and I felt ashamed at that moment. The only way I would make it off this dark highway, I thought, is if I trust God. I said the only thing I could think, "God, please let this car start, and get me to the gas station. I am sorry, I do believe in you."
The car started, and drove as I said those words out loud. No more start-stop, not even a cough of the engine until I pulled into Speedway. it wasn't a formula, it was a heart change, and a transfer of trust from my flesh, to my Savior. It was absolutely humbling.

Are the hard things to teach us? I think so. It is the little things that count. The small things are that which will shape me into who I am becoming. Even though it is hard.