Saturday, March 28, 2009
Some days I imagine life is the sort of thing I can make right...
And then I am crushed. I know it is too painful an assessment to place upon those who are truly in pain.
Where is their God?
I see a myriad of choices coming in and shattering my already broken worldview.
I want to put an asterisk on those shirts that read "life is good"
Life is good.*
(*except when it is bad. In the case things life suddenly becomes "not good" we offer no refund for your experience, but you can always ship the shirt off to a third world country for some starving child to wear who can't even understand the irony. Enjoy!)
I will never wear one, even when I believe that life is and can be good. I have no desire to be one of 'those people".
Maybe I will go to school and graduate doing exactly what I want to be doing with ferver, I will be happy, but I will skip the shirt that proclaims so.
Maybe I will get married and be tempted to get one, maybe we will make love and I will be so caught up in her I wonder how I ever did life alone. I will burn the shirt, hoodie, hat, croc that bears it's brand if I am given it.
Maybe I will have a child, and I will love that child like she is my own. I will let her wear the shirt, until she is seven, and then she and I will talk about the real world, and how we are going to change it.
Maybe I will be old and senile and will be given the shirt to ease the pain of aging memories...
I will give the shirt to the drunk guy on the street, he will probably not care, but he will ask me for money. I will give him a 5 dollar bill and tell him I have walked with God. I will tell him why there is an asterisk on the shirt.
And then I will go home, after she does, so I can finally feel the pain of greatest loss and hope in death and protect her from having to feel that way for me. So I can be there for her last breath... maybe then life will make sense, as I let go of it so that I can see what lies behind it, so I can finally say that life was good.*